We’ve all been there….tired parent, standing over a crib in the middle of the night, whispering lullabies and rocking gently, wondering when—if ever—their baby would learn to fall asleep on their own.

Every day, they tried something new: feeding a little longer, rocking a little slower, extending wake windows, googling tips at 3am, hoping tonight would be the night. But the sleep deprivation wore them down, and doubt began to creep in: “Am I doing something wrong? Should I be doing more—or less?”

Until one day, they learned that self-soothing is not a milestone that “just happens,” but a learned skill—one that can be nurtured with the right support, a bit of consistency, and a method tailored to their baby.

Understanding Self-Soothing and Sleep Training

Self-soothing methods are gentle, evidence-based strategies that help babies and toddlers learn to fall asleep (and resettle between sleep cycles) on their own. When done thoughtfully and in alignment with your child’s temperament and your parenting values, sleep training can transform your nights—and your days.

But here’s the truth: there’s no one-size-fits-all method.

The most suitable approach depends on:

Your Child’s Age and Developmental Stage

 Your child’s ability to self-soothe and adapt to sleep changes evolves with age.

• Newborns (0–3 months) need close contact and are not developmentally ready for structured sleep training. Focus is on gentle routines and cues.
• 4–6 months is often when biological sleep rhythms begin to mature, making it possible to introduce some gentle sleep shaping.
• 6–12 months is a common window for formal sleep training, as babies are better able to learn new sleep associations and begin linking sleep cycles.
• Toddlers (1–3 years) may need a different approach altogether—often requiring more limit-setting and boundary work, especially if habits have been ingrained.

Understanding your child’s age helps set realistic expectations. It’s not about pushing a method too early—it’s about matching support to readiness.

Temperament: Is Your Child More Persistent, Sensitive, or Easygoing?

Temperament is innate—and it plays a major role in how a child responds to change, stress, and transitions.

• A persistent baby might protest loudly, resist change, and take longer to adapt—but once they learn a new pattern, they hold it well.
• A sensitive baby may need a slower, more gradual method, with plenty of parental presence and reassurance.
• An easygoing baby might surprise you and adapt quickly with minimal fuss—making a slightly more structured method feel achievable.

No temperament is better or worse. But when you match the method to your baby’s nature, you're setting everyone up for a smoother experience.

Your Parenting Philosophy

Whether you're a responsive, attachment-based parent, or you value independence and structure—your parenting style matters.

• If you prefer to be highly involved, methods that keep you close (like camping out or gradual withdrawal) might feel most natural.
• If you’re comfortable allowing some space for your child to learn through brief challenges, you may consider spaced soothing or pop-ins.

There’s no “right” way to parent, but choosing a sleep training method that aligns with your values means you’re more likely to be consistent—and less likely to second-guess yourself at 2am.

Current Sleep Associations

The way your baby currently falls asleep matters—because this is what their brain and body expect each time they transition between sleep cycles.

• Do they rely on feeding to sleep?
• Are they always rocked or held?
• Do they fall asleep on you, or in a moving pram or car seat?

 Sleep training is essentially the process of replacing external sleep associations with internal ones. That’s why understanding what your child is used to helps us determine how big the gap is—and how gently or gradually we’ll need to make that transition.

Your Unique Circumstances

Every family is different, and every sleep journey should reflect that.

• Does your child have health concerns like reflux, eczema, or allergies?
• Are you room-sharing, and how much space do you have?
• Do you have a toddler sibling who could be disturbed by night crying?
• Are you a solo parent, or navigating shift work or postpartum anxiety?

These factors matter. They don’t mean sleep training isn’t possible—they just mean we’ll adjust our approach to support you and your lifestyle as well as your child.

Because of that, I always encourage parents to take a holistic approach before diving into a sleep training method. That means:

• Establishing a calming, connected bedtime routine
• Using wind-down rituals before all sleep periods
• Creating a safe, comfortable sleep environment
• Supporting healthy sleep hygiene throughout the day

And before we even begin sleep training, we check for any medical concerns that could be interfering with your child’s ability to sleep independently—things like snoring, mouth breathing, reflux, or eczema. Because if sleep is broken by discomfort, no amount of “training” will fix it.

Choosing the Right Method

There is a wide spectrum of self-soothing strategies, and part of my role as a sleep consultant is helping you find the one that feels achievable, aligned with your values, and most supportive for your child.

Some parents feel best staying close and involved:

• Shush-pat in the cot
• Pick-up-put-down
• Gradual withdrawal
• Camping out

Others prefer to offer a little more space, with plenty of check-ins and reassurance:

• Spaced soothing
• Hybrid methods (like spaced soothing with in-room comfort)
• Pop-ins/outs
• Full extinction or “cry it out” — often misunderstood, and rarely used, but occasionally appropriate when used responsibly and under guidance.

Because of that, it’s absolutely okay to shift strategies as you go—some babies surprise you and adapt quickly, others need more time. What matters is that you feel empowered, informed, and supported.

Until finally, your baby learns the skill of falling asleep without help—and you reclaim your evenings, your rest, and your confidence.

Tips for a Successful Sleep Training Journey 

No matter which method you choose, here are three golden rules:

Be consistent
Your baby will take their cues from you. When your response is predictable, your child begins to feel safe—and safety is what allows change to happen.

Be patient
Self-soothing is a learned skill. Just like walking or talking, it takes time and practice. Some nights will feel harder than others, but progress is always unfolding.

Listen with compassion
Change often brings frustration—yes, there will be tears. And that’s okay. Your child is allowed to express confusion and protest. Your job isn’t to stop the crying, it’s to support them through it, with love and responsiveness that matches their temperament and your parenting style.

You don’t have to do this alone.

As a certified sleep consultant who’s supported thousands of families just like yours, I know that this process can feel overwhelming. But with expert guidance and a method that’s right for your family, restful nights are not only possible—they’re just around the corner.

Ready to begin your sleep journey?

Let’s chat. Your child’s independence—and your rest—start here.