If you're navigating the journey of sleep training, you may find yourself facing an emotional challenge: your baby's cries as they learn to self-soothe. It's entirely normal to feel a wave of distress when you hear your little one cry.

Many parents experience this. What's important to know is that understanding and managing this emotional response—often called Parental Cry Tolerance (PCT)—can be a key factor in successfully guiding your baby through this process. You're not alone in this struggle, and your feelings are completely valid.

What is Parental Cry Tolerance?

Parental Cry Tolerance, or PCT, is a parent's ability to manage the stress and emotions that arise when their baby cries. Studies suggest that a lower PCT—meaning that parents feel uncomfortable listening to their child’s cries—can make it more challenging to stick with certain sleep training methods, particularly those that involve "cry it out" or other behavioral strategies designed to help babies learn to self-soothe.

Why Cry Tolerance Matters in Sleep Training

Sleep training, particularly methods that involve controlled crying, can be a challenging yet effective way to help babies learn to soothe themselves and improve their sleep over time. It’s important to approach this process with patience and kindness, as it may require tolerating some moments of crying without immediate intervention.

Research has shown a few key points that may offer insight:

Parents who can tolerate a bit of crying often find that their infants sleep better. When families are able to wait a little longer before responding to night wakings, babies tend to develop their self-soothing skills more quickly, leading to longer stretches of sleep and fewer disruptions during the night.

On the other hand, parents with lower cry tolerance might instinctively respond by soothing their babies right away. While these comforting actions—like rocking or patting—can be comforting in the moment, they might unintentionally prevent the baby from learning to fall asleep on their own.

Every family’s journey is unique, and it’s completely understandable to have differing levels of comfort with these practices. The goal is to find the approach that feels right for you and your little one.

How to Build Cry Tolerance for Sleep Training Success

Building your tolerance to crying doesn’t mean ignoring your baby’s needs. It means recognizing that some crying is a natural part of learning, and giving your child a chance to develop self-soothing skills.

Here are some science-backed strategies to help:

1. Distraction Techniques: Using distraction can be a powerful tool when the crying feels overwhelming. Simple activities, like playing a game or focusing on a puzzle, can help shift your focus momentarily. Research suggests that visual distractions reduce emotional responses by drawing attention away from distressing sounds, like a baby’s cry, allowing you to wait a bit longer before responding.

2. Music as an Emotion Regulator: Listening to calming music is another strategy that can ease the stress associated with hearing your baby cry. Just as music is used in medical settings to reduce anxiety, it can serve as a soothing backdrop during challenging sleep training moments, helping you stay calm.

3. Cognitive Reappraisal: This technique involves changing the way you interpret your baby's cries. Instead of seeing them as distress signals that need immediate action, try to reframe them as a normal and temporary part of your baby’s sleep development. Studies have shown that parents who use reappraisal can manage their emotional response more effectively, making it easier to wait out the crying.

The Balance of Sensitivity and Tolerance

Achieving a balance in responding to a baby's cries is essential for healthy sleep development. While high levels of cry tolerance might indicate a lack of responsiveness, the goal is to establish an optimal tolerance level. This means being attentive to your baby's needs while also encouraging them to develop the skills necessary for independent sleep.

Parents who maintain an optimal cry tolerance can respond to their baby's signals in a calm and consistent manner. This balanced approach not only fosters self-soothing in babies but also helps them sleep for longer periods, ultimately benefiting both the baby and the parents' sleep quality.

Practical Tips for Parents

Start Small: Begin by extending your response time in small increments, perhaps just a minute longer than usual. Gradually, your tolerance and confidence will grow.

Choose a Distraction Method: Experiment with activities, such as listening to a favorite song, working on a quick task, or even playing a brief game.

Remind Yourself of the Long-Term Goal: Sleep training may involve some temporary tears, but the long-term benefits—better sleep, happier days, and a more rested family—can be worth it.

Learning to tolerate some crying can be challenging, but it's a skill that grows with practice, making it easier for you as your baby gains independence in sleep. With patience, consistency, and approaches to manage your feelings, you're setting the stage for a successful sleep training experience.

Keep in mind, each small step forward not only brings you closer to restful nights but also supports your baby in achieving the sleep they need. You both deserve that tranquility.

References:

Whittall H, Gradisar M, Fitton J, Pillion M, Kahn M. Can cry tolerance be increased in mothers of infants with sleep problems, and why does it matter? A quasi-experimental study. Sleep Med. 2023 Jul;107:64-71. doi: 10.1016/j.sleep.2023.04.018. Epub 2023 Apr 17. PMID: 37121221.

Link for the reference:  https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37121221/