“For the last 9 months I haven’t had more than 2.5 hour’s sleep in a row at night, this is starting to impact on my mental health. People keep telling me it will get better so I have been ignoring these feelings for a while now. I need to be pro-active for the sake of my marriage and my mental health and my ability to be the mum I want to be. The amount of time it takes me to feed or rock him to sleep means I can’t have friends over in the evening, and this has had a knock on affect and I feel anxious about all social situations where he might need a nap.
I really can’t talk to my friends about this as they all believe as mothers we should just ride this stuff out and they really judge other mums who sleep train their babies. This makes me feel really alone on this journey, I would love to know what other people who have been through this have to say?”
Please leave a comment below and tell us your thoughts, have you been in this situation and have come out the other side?
I feel so strongly about this very emotive topic.
I really wish mothers would be more supportive of each other, and of themselves.
It's actually ok to put your needs at the top of the pile every once in a while and if getting some more sleep is going to improve your marriage, your mood, your parenting, and your mental health, well this is an amazing gift to give yourself!
Please do not feel guilty about wanting more sleep or needing more sleep. Sleep is not a luxury it’s a biological necessity and when we don’t get it clinical studies show all of the above are effected.
Here at Baby Sleep Consultant we are privilege to a lot of raw and honest emotion, both in emails where parents feel they can be anonymous and in the middle of a home consult when they are most vulnerable.
We see the tears, anxiety and stress in mother’s eyes, we listen to their concerns. Concerns that they are doing the wrong thing, that they are somehow damaging their baby or that they are selfish for wanting this to change. Concern they are ruining their marriage. Concern they are not bonding with their baby as they resent this beautiful creature who won’t sleep.
We are honoured that parents feel they can open up to us in the way they do, it helps us to understand their situation and this enables us to deliver the best consult we can. But I also wish mums would be this honest with their friends and family.
Some are of course, but there is a lot of fear of judgement and lack of support for different styles of parenting.
The choice to sleep train your baby is never an easy decision, but it also doesn’t have to be a traumatic experience. Understand these key points....
1. If you are judging a mothers decision to sleep train....don't! You don’t know what that mother is going through at 3am, you don’t know how she feels inside, you have no idea how that sleep deprivation is affecting her family, her mental health or her relationships.You should never judge another mother until you have walked for 24 hours in her shoes. Actually even after 24 hours, you don't have the right to judge her. Back down, miss perfect.
2. Sleep training is not the traumatic experience Google tells you it is. It can cry or gentle, and we offer both options. Our own philosophy is so unique and holistic most parents experience much less crying than they ever imagined. You do not need to leave your baby alone if you do not want to, and if you want to we can work with that too!
3. We can work on improving your sleep simply by addressing sleep hygiene and no sleep training at all. Sleep training is often the icing on the cake to really perfect things, but if you are dead set against teaching your baby to self settle, we can still improve things, you are not stuck.
Please let us know your thoughts below, or post a comment for the mum featured in the quote, she would love to know how you came through this journey.
Are you ready to start your own journey to better sleep? View our one on one packages.
Emma is the owner and founder of Baby Sleep Consultant, she is a certified infant and child sleep consultant, Happiest Baby on the block educator, has a Bachelor of Science, and Diploma in Education. Emma is a mother to 3 children, and loves writing when she isn't working with tired clients and cheering on her team helping thousands of mums just like you.
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"We have just finished using Kelly the Dunedin baby sleep consultant and I couldn’t speak more highly of her and their service.
We were having problems with our ten month old son as he wasn’t sleeping at all during the day.Kelly gave me some really amazing information and techniques to use with Harry and was incredibly supportive and helpful through the whole process.The whole experience was fantastic and we now have a baby who has a morning and afternoon nap of two hours!!!!This really is life changing and has made the world of difference for us!!!I highly recommend Kelly and the team at baby sleep consultants to anyone having issues." ~Alexandra Carr
Our online sleep program offers you sleep and settling solutions to download and immediately implement. Better night sleep, night wean, longer naps, less stress and tears, more sleep, more time out as a mum, this is all on offer via our online sleep programs.
"I am amazed at the incredible response our 2 year old had to the plan Sophie gave to us.
We had ourselves in a complete state before using baby sleep consultants, singing, rocking......and repeating for up to 2 hours to get him to sleep every night. As an added bonus our wee man often vomited with distress if he heard us leave the room, needless to say everyone was pretty stressed out at bedtimes.... I was cringing at the idea of spending a few hundred dollars on help but looking back, I would have payed double to be where we are now.
We spoke to Sophie who kindly listened to both of us and she created a 'gentle exit from the room plan'.
On the second night he fell asleep within 2 minutes of being put in his bed and on the 6th night we could put him in bed and leave the room straight away. One month on and there's no tears or vomiting and we all enjoy putting him to sleep, completely amazing!
Thanks Sophie for your fabulous skills and incredible support." ~ Carmel Rigby