Motherless Mother’s on Mother’s day
We collected a few stories from our Face Book community from mum’s who have lost their mums and their experiences.
Mother’s day is such a special day for so many of us, but its also a time of grief for and a reminder to a lot of mum’s out there who no longer have their mother’s with them.
I lost my mum when I was only 12, I became a mum myself 18 months ago at age 29, I thought I was well and truly grieved out, but having my little girl as bought it all home.
I wish my mum was here to see her smile for the first time and walk for the first time, and to tell me it will be ok when I have been up 7 times in the night and I am exhausted beyond what coffee can fix.
I see my friends at coffee group and hear them speak of the relationship their mothers have with their babies, and I wish more than ever that I had a mum to show off my baby to, lean on in tough times and ask advice!
I have been so grateful to the services Baby Sleep Consultant offer’s, I really have no one else to ask about sleeping patterns or to find out if what my little girl is doing is normal, I found it so over whelming to start with, there are still so many days I just wish my mum was here to share this with me.
Rebecca – mum to Sophie
My mum passed before I had children. We had never had an easy relationship, so but when melanoma finally took over I moved in and nursed her. Somehow she learnt to let me take over and somehow I learnt to just give. I saw in her grace and the depth of a woman I had never seen before. She had so much courage. As she took her last breath and fell into my arms, surrounded by our family I held her as she left.
I had the strangest feeling. An overwhelming force. Like she left through me. Just a feeling i had never known before.
A year and a half later I gave birth to my first baby. It wasn’t without drama. She had a serious heart condition and we almost lost her a couple of times. It took me a while to attach.
About 8 months after she was born I was home alone, with my baby girl. Looking at her, really looking at her, and finally accepting she was mine and I could keep her.
And there was that feeling. That overwhelming force. The feeling that had coursed through me as my mother passed was a gift, the love of a mother.
I played Universe and you at her funeral. I’ve attached it for you to listen
I miss her, but I mostly miss that she would have loved my now 3 little babies so much.
When I found out I was pregnant obviously one of the first people we told were my parents, that being my Dad and my Step Mum.
I lost my mum due to breast cancer when I was 7, my dad remarried and I am very fortunate to have had a fantastic step mother from the age of 8 who has parented me as one of her own.
Although I have a hugely supportive family, there have definitely been times where I have often thought……..if only I could ask mum.
It is usually the little things I wonder…….how did she feel when she was pregnant, how was her labour, what were the silly funny mistakes she made with me at first, how long was I breast fed for, did she sing me lullabies (what were they) and of course the general parenting tips and secrets she found worked for me that she could pass on. There are so many more questions I would love to ask her……….so I do……and trust that my mothering instincts I have in raising our child have a helping hand from heaven.
Hayley Burke – mum to Thea
I lost my mother 4 years ago and it wasn’t expected at all. I got the call while shopping that my mother had passed away. I had a difficult relationship with my mother, I loved her but found it difficult to get along with her but I had always thought I would reconnect with my mother when I became on myself.
I had my first son one year after my mother had passed.
I suffered PND following the birth of both of my sons. I think not having that motherly support contributed to it as I did not have her to turn to for advice and support. The PND depression also made me grieve once again for the loss of my mother.
I grieve the fact that my mother does not get to meet my 2 beautiful sons, that we don’t get that opportunity to reconnect and for me to tell her how amazing she was to bring up 4 very hungry boisterous children on her own for most of the time. I feel sad that my sons do not have the opportunity to spend time with their grandmother. My partners parents live in Sri Lanka and they have meet both children and talk to them on skype but they are Aachie and Seeya (Sri Lankan names for grandparents not Nana and Poppa as my step dad also passed away in my sons first year of life.)
I miss the fact that I cannot ask my mum all the questions that come when you are a mother, such as; What was I like as a baby? When did I reach certain milestones? What would you do in this situation?
I miss the fact that she is not there to come help me out when my partner is away, that she is not there to give me a hug and tell me it will all be ok.
But to leave this on a positive note before I start crying, I am somewhat glad I don’t have unwanted advice.
I had my first baby on my mums 4th anniversary I was 14 days over and was going to be induced the following day , it was very special and comforting I Know she sent him that day so we would no longer morn but celebrate she loved to entertain and a good party !
it will be 7 years on the 22 may
I lost my mum in between babies number 1 and 2 – I was pregnant with baby number 2 at the time, it was an emotional roller coaster to say the least, and dealing with the grief while trying to maintain a healthy pregnancy and be positive for the thought of a new life was difficult.
We had our 20 week scan while mum was in hospital and although we had planned a surprise we let her have the gift of opening the scan envelope to reveal what the sex of our baby was, so we could tell her we would name her after Mum.
Mum was a midwife and was at the birth of my first baby and would have been a big part of number 2’s birth too, she was an elective c section in the end due to being breech, I don’t cope well with needles and really needed my mum for the epidural part of the procedure. I was putting on a brave face, but when they made my husband leave the room and it was just me and the medical team prepping, boy did I lose it! I explained to the anaesthetist I had just lost my mum, and she was a MW and should have been there, he was one of the kindest medical professionals I’ve ever come across, he held my hand and calmed me to a point I could safely have the epidural, he understood I just really needed my mum! I know she was with me throughout the birth keeping me safe and watching over us.
I used to text my mum a lot about small milestones my first achieved, and she was always encouraging when times were tough with a small baby. Not having that someone to share these things with was hard, it gets easier with time, but I do wonder what she would have been like surrounded by grandchildren.
My oldest was the only one to meet her, and I don’t think she even remembers her anymore. She bought her a beautiful stripped merino blanket, we have carried on the tradition and the kids call them their nana blankets.
There is just something supportive a mother offer’s her child when she becomes a mother, it has been hard to not have that in my life, but I am certain she is watching over us all, and there is nothing quite like losing your mum at a young age to make you appreciate life even more than ever.
I think being a mum without a mum is a unique situation and I really didn’t appreciate the gravity of my own grief before I had my children.
I lost my mum just 2 years before my first was born, she was such a great mum to me and my brothers, I often find myself saying things she said to us all the time, these are the nice memories and make me smile as I remember her.
Then there are times when I just need a mum hug, and there are times I just yearn with all my heart to have to her back here helping me when the going gets tough with my children.
There is no one you can be quite so honest with and no one who knows you quite as well as your mum, I grieve that loss. I also grieve for her loss, she will never know her grandchildren and I think she would have been an amazing grandmother!
Claire – mum to Jacob
Emma is the owner and founder of Baby Sleep Consultant, she is a certified infant and child sleep consultant, Happiest Baby on the block educator, has a Bachelor of Science, and Diploma in Education. Emma is a mother to 3 children, and loves writing when she isn't working with tired clients and cheering on her team helping thousands of mums just like you.
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