2 year old won't stay in bed, sound familiar?

“We can’t get our 2 year old to stay in bed at night. She turns into a flip flopping manic that suddenly has so many things to do or need 25 bedtime stories (not helped by the fact she can reach light switches and open doors herself). It’s been taking over an hour to get her to sleep the last few weeks.”

2 year olds not staying in bed  easily become over tired, hyperactive and fight sleep. They are experts in delay tactics, and their communication is often very well advanced and they are pro’s at making requests.

What's inside this blog on 2 year-olds not staying in bed?

• How to outsmart your 2-year-old, so they stay in bed
• 2-year-old limits
• Turning lights on? What now?
• Opening doors?
• Toddler survivor
• Get more help

How to outsmart your 2 year old, so they stay in bed?

The fact that your 2 year old is becoming a flip-flop maniac at bedtime tells me she is probably tired; this is further confirmed by the fact that it's taking an hour + for her to go to sleep. I would suspect there has been an accumulation of sleep debt over the last few days or weeks.

We know that an earlier bedtime is the best thing for an overtired child, and this is definitely true for toddlers!

Research shows late bedtimes do not support healthy attachment as much as earlier bedtimes.

When dealing with toddlers' requests at bedtime, try to outsmart your toddler; chances are you have at least 20-30 years of experience over them and 10-15 years of education more than them, so let’s start thinking smarter!

If your toddler always asks for a drink, a toilet visit, an extra cuddle, and their favourite toy, make a list and start early!

An example would be starting at 6.30pm for a 7pm bed time.

Include your toddler in this process and let them know you are getting them ready for bed now, so lets get your drink bottle and fill it with water…

Next, pop it by their bed.

2-year-old limits to encourage staying in bed

It's important to put reasonable limits in place when dealing with 2-year-olds; we are outsmarting them with limitations. Limit requests, limit number of toys, limit number of books, and soon it's actually time to sleep and stay in bed.

Limit the toys they bring to bed, try saying,

 "Let's find your favourite toy to take to bed". Explain to your toddler that the toy they get now is the only toy they have, so they need to choose wisely and pop it into bed.

Then choose the stories to read, and explain these are the only 3 stories you are having, so choose 3 and put them by your bed. Limited choices are powerful, and work in any situation where you need a boundary but want to give your child some ownership.

Now who do you want to cuddle before bed? Dad?

You might say

"Ok, lets find dad, have a cuddle, then go to the toilet one last time, and hop into bed with your favorite toy, 3 books and your drink bottle."

We are not hostage negotiators, no other requests will be considered once your toddler is in bed. You are not annoyed or frustrated by the new requests, they are simply ignored and the can be added to the following nights pre- bed time ritual. (don’t worry this will get boring real fast!).

If you haven't already you might some bed time rules to help here, we teach this philosophy inside our toddler online program.

Read your 3 stories, say good night and leave.

If your toddler wants to flip flop on their bed and not lie down, that’s  fine (well its not, but we are pretending for the toddlers sake that their behavior doesn’t bother us.) Just leave anyway, don’t argue about how they need to lie down, and beg them to behave.

You have started your bedtime routine early, so they have time to flip-flop before it's even time for them to be asleep! (see we are smarter than them!).

The light switch and door opening is a matter of impulse control and some toddlers don’t develop this until closer to 3 years +.

If you need getting out of bed ideas for 2-3 year olds, read about silent returns in out toddler program.

2 year old turning on the light?

Genius idea for miss use of the light switch is removing the light bulb, or taping the switch up so it can’t be accessed.

I have even had a client who switched the fuse to the lights in their toddlers bedroom. It only took a few nights before the toddler stopped trying!

2 year old opening the door?

Opening doors can be resolved with baby gates, removal of door handles, silent returns or Nigel Latta – famous child psychologist recommends using a bungy cord to bungy the outside of your child’s door handle to another door in the hall way so their door cannot be opened.

Any of these options are removing the impulse control issue as your toddler learns the light doesn’t work, and the door doesn’t open.

Your toddler is thinking/experincing.. 

No one is growling me, or begging me, or trying to convince me to stay in bed.

I’m quite bored, its pretty dark and actually I am quite tired…… SLEEP!

The key message here is to bring things down a level, react less, and preempt your toddler so you can do less after bedtime.

Toddler Survivor

Think toddler survivor = OUTWIT OUTPLAY OUTLAST

Your toddler is growing into their own little person; they are smart, funny and clever. What worked when they were a baby will likely no longer work. They have dialled into their stubbornness and persistence. They love to test boundaries and see your response. They're fueled by both positive and negative reactions from you, so we have to up our game completely. 

Outwit means be smarter, covered above. Outplay, set those limits, use limited choices, and play them at their own game! And outlast means being more patient than they are persistent. If you said 3 books, they might ask for 5 books 146 times, you need to outlast them and stick to your guns.

2-year-olds love getting out of bed; it's a great game for them. They love the reaction from you, and it doesn't matter how bad you get, a reaction is fuel either way.

Want to get started with our toddler online sleep program?

Our Toddler Program helps you establish positive sleep strategies as you teach your toddler to sleep through the night, settle without stress, and ditch unwanted sleep associations.

Routines, nutrition for sleep, how to teach your baby to stay in bed, and stop early wakes. 

Sleep meditation, rules, role play, silent returns, rewards and sleep books.

Find out what your parenting style is and work out the best strategy for your family.

Watch the video below on positive toddler sleep strategies, and if you love video content, you will love sleepify! Get  3 months free access with our toddler online program and binge all our toddler sleep and toddler behaviour videos.

Plus workbooks, master classes, and case studies.

NZ's top online sleep resource.

Ready to talk to a consultant about your toddlers sleep?