No Cry Sleep Training
Are you looking to change the way your baby or toddler sleeps without using no cry sleep training?
Gentle sleep training is becoming more and more popular as parents want to be able to support their babies through the tricky emotions associated with learning to self settle. No one wants their baby to feel alone and abandoned while learning to sleep, and this is where gentle or no cry sleep training comes in.
You can work on improving your baby’s sleep without compromising on your parenting style. Often a child develops a sleep association such as feeding, holding, or bed sharing, and for some children, the key to better sleep is gently creating a disassociation between these things and sleep.
Gentle sleep training means we can gently wean your baby off their feed to sleep association, or change a bed sharing association without resorting to CIO.
5 key principals to our successful gentle sleep training
Respect: You need to have respect for your baby’s physiological need for sleep, allowing your baby to get over tired constantly will make this process more difficult. There needs to be respect between the parents, and both parents need to be on board with the gentle sleep training and be supportive of this decision to sleep train. There also needs to be respect for your baby’s need for space. They might be rolling and crawling around the cot, this is fine. Give them space to figure out this whole sleep thing.
Communication: Think about what you are communicating to your child? “I know you are tired and upset, I love you and respect your need for sleep, I am here for you and I will be patient and calm while you learn to go to sleep.” How will you communicate this message? Verbally with shushing or quiet singing, and non-verbally with consistent behaviour and responses, and by remaining calm, consistent and patient.
What is your baby communicating to you? “I am tired mum and I am confused as to why you won’t nurse or hold me to sleep any more?” They don’t hate you and are not panicked or distressed, you are right there, and are using lots of touch and voice and nursing to settle and soothe them.
Consistency: This is the most important part of sleep training. Without consistency we confuse our children and extend the time it takes to sleep train from 2-3 weeks to 5-6 weeks.
Inconsistent reinforcement such as trying to settle for 40 minutes and then feeding to sleep is the kind of behaviour which makes children cry longer and harder the next time you attempt a nap. So remember you can cancel a nap or take a break, but don’t inconsistently reinforce the pattern we are trying to change. The most consistent approach is actually the gentlest of all.
Patience: Gentle sleep training or no cry sleep training really is a good 2 week+ process. You need to be committed to the process and have the energy and resources available now to successfully see this through. Short term patience is also needed. You must be prepared to sit by your baby for the 40-60 minutes it might take them to fall asleep.
Calmness: Imagine the emotional turmoil your child is going through as you move them to their own room and teach them to self-settle. You need to ensure that you provide security through calmness throughout this process. Be the anchor or the rock in this time, don’t be part of the turmoil. Children are very good at sensing anxiety, frustration and sadness, these emotions at bed time will not help your baby to settle quickly and can really hinder your success.
Be confident in your approach and remain calm, knowing that you have made this decision for yourself and your family, and it is the right decision, now is the right time, and you know what you are doing. (Fake it for a few days if need be!).
The decision to sleep train….
Often parents who have followed attachment parenting philosophies struggle with the idea of sleep training, and feel their decision is selfish or wrong, and that they will damage their baby.
You can be confident with gentle sleep training there is no time when your baby is crying and distressed for long periods, there is no opportunity for an attachment rupture as you never leave your baby’s side while they are upset.
You are being supportive and responsive both emotionally and physically and your baby’s cries are just communication, not distress. They are telling you they are tired and unhappy and confused as to why anything is changing, but they are not fearful or abandoned or panicked. You are right there with them.
If you are struggling with your decision to sleep train, I am positive that it wasn’t a decision you came to lightly, and even Dr Sears the pioneer of the attachment parenting philosophy recognizes in his books that for some families bed sharing and room sharing doesn’t work and this is ok.
He also discusses various forms of CIO such as cry it out in arms (done with dad) and how to change a baby’s sleep associations over time. Dr Sears, James Mckenna and Elizabeth Pantley, all agree that children and families need sleep, it’s not a want or a luxury it’s a biological necessity, they all agree that if your situation is no longer working for your family you need to change it. No one expects you to go through years and years of sleep deprivation or for you to be unhappy as a mother or wife due to your sleeping situation.
You are NOT selfish to want or need more sleep for yourself or your family.
No Cry Sleep Training Success
“Hi Emma, just to let you know miss Scarlett slept through until 6.30am this morning! Triumph!!! Thanks so much for all of your advice wisdom and input! I can’t believe how easy it turned out to be!! I will definitely be recommending your services to everyone I know with babies!!! Thanks again and Im sure I will be needing your help again at some stage!!!” – Emma-Jane Kieren and Scarlett xxx
“Hi Emma, just letting you know how thankful we are for your help! We are on week 3-4 of your sleep and routine plan and we have seen the greatest results! I have a baby who has slept completely through the night for the last 7 nights! (unheard of in the first 6 months!!) We both feel much better and Rosie seems even happier. It is also easier to plan things now knowing when she is due to sleep and be awake. We still have a little bit of work to do with some sleeps and settling but it’s still 10 times better than its ever been. Thanks so much! Best money I have EVER spent!!” Carmen x P.S I really appreciate your service and have been recommending you to others. There are sooooooooo many mums out there that need help from a service like yours.”
“I think a miracle has occurred. Our baby devil has turned into an angel! First nap on the first day was a fight and pretty much since then he has been behaving himself and doing text book naps. Night time is much better, had an hours fight last night (1.30-2.30) but after a breast feed he slept until 7.30 in his own cot (unheard of!). Overall we are just amazed at the change in our boy – he is so much more content, happy and relaxed (as are we) and the household as a whole is a much nicer place to be. I did notice today was a bit more difficult but I do remember in your assessment saying this can happen and to persevere so we will. She has slept for 2 hours for her lunchtime/avo sleep EVERY DAY!!!! I’ve even had to wake her a couple of times at 2.30!! She has pretty much slept through the night also..obviously being sick shes a bit coughy and snotty so i have been checking on her when grizzling but all in all I am amazed!! haha So yeah very stoked I enlisted you to help us!!! Thanks!”