Cuddlers vs Tamers……the mum wars …
I wasn’t going to respond to this blog update by Pinky but I had several clients mention how upsetting they found the entire post.
The post by Pinky implies that it is cruel to allow your baby to learn to sleep better if this involves any crying at all.
While I appreciate she is possibly fed up with the inappropriate emails she receives considering she is a strong attachment parent advocate, I don’t appreciate the tone of her post and how it made my clients feel.
I don’t think anyone truly understands the affects of sleep deprivation and how it is making you feel until they have walked a mile in your shoes. It is with this in mind that I strongly wish mums would stop judging other mums for the parenting style or sleep training style they choose. There are a range of styles for sleep training from true cry it out to full assistance, and all are valid and all have an appropriate place in someone’s life.
Just because your parenting style is different to someone else’s doesn’t make there’s or yours any less right or wrong, nor does it give anyone including a well known author the right to make such a public attack on a “certain kind of parents”.
As the Baby Sleep Consultant I work with a range of parents from those who are firm attachment parents to those who have to work and need 8 hours sleep a night, and their baby is in day care, to those who have 4 children and if said 4th child does not soon begin to sleep more than 2 hours a night, the other 3 children might not have a sane mum left to parent them.
I pass no judgment on your parenting style and aim to help you in the best way I can to suit to your family.
Pinky implied any baby who does sleep through the night in another room does so because you have broken all trust with them, anyone who has a baby who does sleep all night, knows firsthand you haven’t broken all trust, and you can have a firm attachment to your baby and still teach them to sleep.
Don’t let Pinky make you feel forced into some arbitrary group, you’re not – just because you value sleep doesn’t make you any less of a kind compassionate caring loving mum than anyone else.
You don’t have to be a cuddler or a tamer, you’re a mum first and foremost if anyone tries to judge your parenting style just remember they are probably sleep deprived and not thinking straight……just smile and nod, confident you are doing the best you can.