As a female in my late twenties and having spent most of my life working with infants and toddlers – it is a pretty safe bet that I will one day become a mother. My friends and family (and people I barely know) love to delve into that part of my life, I am always hearing ‘when are you two going to have babies’ or ‘not long till your pregnant’, or ‘you must be having kids soon, you have been together forever’, or the ever popular ‘don’t wait too long!’….

What people don’t know is the each one of those comments is a little punch in the uterus. Each one hurting a little bit more than the last as you the frustration grows inside. Why? Because each one of those comments comes at a time of uncertainty and a time of apprehension.

Let’s rewind back shall we?

Since my late teens I have suffered various health issues starting with polycystic ovary syndrome, followed later by a side of endometriosis. So in a nutshell, my fertility rate is unknown. While we may not be actively trying for a pregnancy, my partner and I decided that we would remove all preventative measures and put our future in fates hands, 2 years later and still no happy surprises have left us feeling unsure and more than a little deflated.

One day, when we are ready, we will look at our options and embark on our journey to starting a family but today we carry on, not ready to become parents and not ready to face the harsh reality of IVF, donors, adoption or whatever life has in store for us. We are ok and we are happy, we are just plain and simply not ready.

But I ask you, lovely reader, when you ask that young couple when they are planning on having beautiful babies -really listen, because behind that little joke about enjoying sleep, they may be truly concerned. If they tell you they are simply not ready then perhaps it’s not becoming parents that they are not ready for. Listen, don’t nag and reassure them that when they are ready you will be there to support them.

To those lovely couples – when you are ready I urge you to talk about it, yes you will get a lot of sympathy sighs followed by an ‘awwww no’ and you may even want to punch a few people in the face but the more you talk about the more prepared you are for your baby-making journey. My mother always said –hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

For more information and support check out www.fertilitynz.org.nz or phone 0800 333 306