Sleep Training Comes From a Place of Love
Everyday I am hit with posts on Instagram from parents, and parenting pages, which use hashtags to end up in my news feed, and their posts are designed to make me as a parent (forget the fact that I am a sleep consultant too), feel terrible about myself as a parent.
I am told that my baby learnt no one was coming to their aid because I used sleep training and taught my babies to self settle.
I am told that in order to love my baby I must not sleep train them.
Today I even was told that formula feeding, strollers, cots, and sleep training are all "trends", and that if I followed these so called trends in the first 3 years of my babies lives I would be practicing remedial parenting for the next 20 years to make up for it.
I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried!
These posts are just 6 days after Instagram blew up celebrating "International Women's Day" where we all spoke about girl power, and working together, building each other up, straightening each others crowns, supporting each other....
Yet it appears there is a LARGE subset of women out there who believe this only applies IF you conform to THEIR way of parenting. If you don't then everything we celebrating on International Women's Day is lip service.
They are writing these memes, sharing these posts, KNOWING how antagonist what they are saying is, knowing how hurtful they are being to mum's who don't parent in the same way, knowing all this, yet they don't seem to care.
In fact, they go one step further and hashtag their posts with "when we know better we do better"..... again, shouting from the roof, they know how to parent not differently to you.... but BETTER.
Pitching Mums against Mums, and Mum shaming women who choose to love their babies and sleep train.
The two are not mutually exclusive.
I don't have any answers, I don't have a movement for you to join, but I hope for the sake of my girls, that one day International Women's Day isn't lip service in the motherhood community, and women stop shaming and antagonizing, and pitching themselves against each other.
Here is one of the posts I was unfortunate enough to be targeted with on Instagram by the use of #sleeptraining ..... But I re-wrote it so it makes more sense, isn't full of nonsense or misinformation.
Our children are meant to be held, loved, kissed, snuggled and adored. Don't let anyone tell you that just because you did some sleep training you love your child any less than they do.
In our modern world there is this insatiable desire to be right, and prove everyone else wrong.
To claim your parenting style is superior or more natural because you didn't sleep train.
People who oppose your parenting style like its a political choice will tell you that your baby can't self soothe despite science saying otherwise, despite sleep doctors telling us teaching self setting and settling independently is age appropriate from 4-6 months, and a healthy skill for your baby to learn.
Women who want to convince all women to parent the way they do, will try to tell you babies don't self settle, they "give up", the believe no one will come to their aid so they stop crying, but lie there frightening, and stressed.
Babies who learn to self settle go off to bed perfectly content, and happy, often blowing kisses to their parents, smiling, cooing.
They aren't stressed, they aren't believing you wont come if they cry..... in fact when they're unwell at night, they cry!
They haven't learn't you wont come to their aid, they have learnt when they are not sick, hungry, cold or in pain, they can easily go off to sleep on their own.
Yes babies have been inside us for 9 months, and yes adjusting to the outside world is a big adjustment, which is why we don't use sleep training on newborns, and we don't expect them to self settle.
Our babies also grow and develop and move on from the newborn stage, they learn new skills like, rolling, and reaching and smiling and talking.
They learn to crawl, and sit and stand, and eat, and chew, and laugh, and play.
They also can learn to self settle to sleep in this time........if we choose to let them.
Love your baby, know you love your baby just as much as the mum who chooses not to sleep train, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
#youdoyou #stopmumshaming #stoptargetingme #youdon'tparentbetterthanme #Ilovemykidstoo